In the midst of the newest killer flu, I was talking to a friend who heard from a friend that there was this horrible H5N1 flu going around. So I googled it. I also had a some fun with the H#N# thing. Here's what I found:
H1N1 - swine flu in human form
H2N1 - avian flu
H3N1 - a special swine flu just for pigs
H4N1 - bird flu found in ducks
H5N1 - bird flu that was the new killer flu a few years ago
H6N1 - poultry killer
H7N1 - turkey killer
H8N1 - duck killer
H9N1 - duck killer
I actually started in on the N2 versions of all of this and got bored of reading about bird flus.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Mother of the Year entry #2
I look after kids. I like to send said kids outside to play when the weather is nice (or at least not a blizzard or hurricane). I do not always monitor their every move (they're good kids and don't get into too much trouble so I let them have a good time). Today was no different than any other - the kids were climbing the tree, using skipping ropes as a pulley system to bring things up into their "hotel". It's kinda cute really - everyone has a room and the hotel is big enough to hold about 9 kids comfortably. And then I sat down to change a diaper.....
The kids are decoraring the 'hotel' with leaves and other things and then this sound that sends panic up even the hardest mother's spine. Sophie comes running into the house screaming and speaking in some foreign language that only she can understand. I get her calmed down enough for her to start speaking english again and see the rope burn around her neck. In the time it took me to change a wet diaper, the kids had tied both ends of a long skipping rope to a branch in the tree in order to make some crude version of a swing. Sophie, in her excitement, was running around the yard and got caught (in the meck) by the booby trap in the front yard. Now she has a nice red ring around her neck to match the bloody ear she took to school just one day before.
Well I always wanted to win an award. I guess this year I'm really giving it my all. Just wait until you hear about my bloody Halloween....
The kids are decoraring the 'hotel' with leaves and other things and then this sound that sends panic up even the hardest mother's spine. Sophie comes running into the house screaming and speaking in some foreign language that only she can understand. I get her calmed down enough for her to start speaking english again and see the rope burn around her neck. In the time it took me to change a wet diaper, the kids had tied both ends of a long skipping rope to a branch in the tree in order to make some crude version of a swing. Sophie, in her excitement, was running around the yard and got caught (in the meck) by the booby trap in the front yard. Now she has a nice red ring around her neck to match the bloody ear she took to school just one day before.
Well I always wanted to win an award. I guess this year I'm really giving it my all. Just wait until you hear about my bloody Halloween....
Mother of The Year entry #1
Let's face it. I have enough kids around me that I can't tell my own thought apart from Backyardigans tunes or lines from iCarly. But I try my best - well most of the time anyways.
Sophie comes to me one night saying that her ear is bothering her. No big deal I say. It's probably a wax build up again I say. We'll fix it up really quickly I say. So we go and get ready to check her ear out and I see some wax hanging out around her outer ear in a way that says 'you can get me with a quick swipe of a qtip'. Of course I follow all of the books and use nothing smaller than my elbow to get that bit of wax out. Yeah. I got the qtips. I swipe the ear gently. I see wax on the end. I see blood in the ear.
Well crap I say. Crap mommy? What? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR? Calm down Sophie it's no big deal (dialing telecare). Mommy just needs to ask the nurse a question. WHAT'S HAPPENING TO MYYYYY EEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!! (gasp) IS THERE BLOOD? MOOOOOOOMMMMMYYYYYYY IS THERE BLOOOOOOOOODDDDD?? Please Sophie I can't hear the nurse I say and start to rock her while I'm waiting for the nurse and yelling at myself for poking a hole in Sophie's ear...
Ok I'll back up a bit. When I swiped the ear, a few drops of blood came out behind the wax. Yes I know it is probably a scratch at this point, but after checking in her ear with my top-notch medical equipment (a mini mag-lite), I could not see any signs of a scratch, so I call the lovely people at telecare who usually tell you to go to the doctor within 24 hours. You have a scrape? Go see the doctor within 24 hours. You have your intestines hanging out of your bellybutton? You should probably get that checked within 24 hours.
Oh yeah. Back to the kind nurses at telecare. I go through the questions - yes she's breathing fine, no she's not going to pass out. I explain what had happened and am waiting for the 24 hour thingy, and the nurse says that I had better take her into emerg and get it checked out. Great. Andy is working. I am now facing the threat of three kids (at bedtime no less) in the emergency department waiting to see a doctor.
In swoops Auntie Sue. She comes to the rescue and sits with the other two while I drag Sophie - who is finally calm by the way - to emerg at 8pm on a school night. So me and Sophie grab a few books and a few snack and head off to wait for the doctor in the middle of the wave of H1N1 that is bringing our city to crushing halt - I think we're going to be a while.
We get to emerg. We see the triage nurse who greets us with a 'there's quite a wait'. She asks the questions. I give the answers. She's about to swish us off to the waiting area and I take a chance with the old "I know you're not a doctor, but you see an awful lot. Is this something that can wait until morning or at least the after hours clinic?" She bites!! Nice Triage Nurse pulls out the ear looking into thingy (a technical term really - you wouldn't understand) and has a peak at the ear in question. There is a fair amount of blood in the canal she says. Maybe you should stay and have it looked at she says. I say thank you and we go get the red bracelet that now makes you cool cuz you were at the hospital. Red is even cooler than the plain old yellow one because red means you have allergies.
So four and a half hours, one almost asleep girl until she heard someone open a snack and then was all 'IIIIIIIIIyuuuuummmmm huuuunnnngryyyyyy, two large story books and several trips to the hand sanitizer (after 2 hours that was the fun thing to do) later, we see the med student. He takes a look with the ear thingy and says she has a scratch in her ear. A SCRATCH. But the doctor should really have a look and make the final decision. In walks said doctor. Doctor guy looks in and says Yep. Definitely a scratch. Again A SCRATCH.
I dragged my daughter to the hospital and endured a four and a half hour wait with a tired seven year old for A SCRATCH. Let's hope that the next time she scratches he knee and I say my standard 'suck it up princess' she forgets to remind me about the time she was rushed into the hospital for A SCRATCH.
Sophie comes to me one night saying that her ear is bothering her. No big deal I say. It's probably a wax build up again I say. We'll fix it up really quickly I say. So we go and get ready to check her ear out and I see some wax hanging out around her outer ear in a way that says 'you can get me with a quick swipe of a qtip'. Of course I follow all of the books and use nothing smaller than my elbow to get that bit of wax out. Yeah. I got the qtips. I swipe the ear gently. I see wax on the end. I see blood in the ear.
Well crap I say. Crap mommy? What? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR? Calm down Sophie it's no big deal (dialing telecare). Mommy just needs to ask the nurse a question. WHAT'S HAPPENING TO MYYYYY EEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!! (gasp) IS THERE BLOOD? MOOOOOOOMMMMMYYYYYYY IS THERE BLOOOOOOOOODDDDD?? Please Sophie I can't hear the nurse I say and start to rock her while I'm waiting for the nurse and yelling at myself for poking a hole in Sophie's ear...
Ok I'll back up a bit. When I swiped the ear, a few drops of blood came out behind the wax. Yes I know it is probably a scratch at this point, but after checking in her ear with my top-notch medical equipment (a mini mag-lite), I could not see any signs of a scratch, so I call the lovely people at telecare who usually tell you to go to the doctor within 24 hours. You have a scrape? Go see the doctor within 24 hours. You have your intestines hanging out of your bellybutton? You should probably get that checked within 24 hours.
Oh yeah. Back to the kind nurses at telecare. I go through the questions - yes she's breathing fine, no she's not going to pass out. I explain what had happened and am waiting for the 24 hour thingy, and the nurse says that I had better take her into emerg and get it checked out. Great. Andy is working. I am now facing the threat of three kids (at bedtime no less) in the emergency department waiting to see a doctor.
In swoops Auntie Sue. She comes to the rescue and sits with the other two while I drag Sophie - who is finally calm by the way - to emerg at 8pm on a school night. So me and Sophie grab a few books and a few snack and head off to wait for the doctor in the middle of the wave of H1N1 that is bringing our city to crushing halt - I think we're going to be a while.
We get to emerg. We see the triage nurse who greets us with a 'there's quite a wait'. She asks the questions. I give the answers. She's about to swish us off to the waiting area and I take a chance with the old "I know you're not a doctor, but you see an awful lot. Is this something that can wait until morning or at least the after hours clinic?" She bites!! Nice Triage Nurse pulls out the ear looking into thingy (a technical term really - you wouldn't understand) and has a peak at the ear in question. There is a fair amount of blood in the canal she says. Maybe you should stay and have it looked at she says. I say thank you and we go get the red bracelet that now makes you cool cuz you were at the hospital. Red is even cooler than the plain old yellow one because red means you have allergies.
So four and a half hours, one almost asleep girl until she heard someone open a snack and then was all 'IIIIIIIIIyuuuuummmmm huuuunnnngryyyyyy, two large story books and several trips to the hand sanitizer (after 2 hours that was the fun thing to do) later, we see the med student. He takes a look with the ear thingy and says she has a scratch in her ear. A SCRATCH. But the doctor should really have a look and make the final decision. In walks said doctor. Doctor guy looks in and says Yep. Definitely a scratch. Again A SCRATCH.
I dragged my daughter to the hospital and endured a four and a half hour wait with a tired seven year old for A SCRATCH. Let's hope that the next time she scratches he knee and I say my standard 'suck it up princess' she forgets to remind me about the time she was rushed into the hospital for A SCRATCH.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Bedtime
Tonight we did our (mostly) usual routine of getting our jammies on, cranking up the tunes and dancing our legs off until it's time to go to bed. We all started off great with some Black Eyed Peas and some super awesome (that's code for absolutely ridiculous) dancing. Cue some Kung Fu Fighting and we become super awesome dancing ninjas. Of course, Andy and I are the most bodacious dancers there ever were - you can tell by all of our badass moves that we are performing right in front of our GIANT WINDOW (this is NOT in any way an invitation to come over and watch us embarrass ourselves).
Now we have Sophie showing us her dance moves (she's taking a hip hop class this year) and she chose to have us do jumping jacks for two minutes. No big deal right? That's what I thought too - until I started doing them. I got maybe thirty seconds into it when one stray bounce made me come to an abrupt stop. Cue athletic jokes by Andy. But sadly this wasn't one of those times when my lack of in-shapedness has gotten the better of me. I have had three kids and have also lost the ability to hold anything in my bladder. Yes folks, a good sneeze can make me do the same thing.
We all finish our bedtime recital and calm down with a couple of good books. Each of the girls take on a bedtime story now and when it's Sophie's turn, she does the most amazing thing: she gives the other two parts to read, and helps them through it. She gets them both involved in the story!! This is something that neither Andy or I can do on a good day (Sophie's usually the only one who listens to the story while the Flying Wallenda's perform their latest tricks). That moment right there was one of those things that make it all worth it.
What a perfect day (well, except for that part where I almost peed my pants).
Now we have Sophie showing us her dance moves (she's taking a hip hop class this year) and she chose to have us do jumping jacks for two minutes. No big deal right? That's what I thought too - until I started doing them. I got maybe thirty seconds into it when one stray bounce made me come to an abrupt stop. Cue athletic jokes by Andy. But sadly this wasn't one of those times when my lack of in-shapedness has gotten the better of me. I have had three kids and have also lost the ability to hold anything in my bladder. Yes folks, a good sneeze can make me do the same thing.
We all finish our bedtime recital and calm down with a couple of good books. Each of the girls take on a bedtime story now and when it's Sophie's turn, she does the most amazing thing: she gives the other two parts to read, and helps them through it. She gets them both involved in the story!! This is something that neither Andy or I can do on a good day (Sophie's usually the only one who listens to the story while the Flying Wallenda's perform their latest tricks). That moment right there was one of those things that make it all worth it.
What a perfect day (well, except for that part where I almost peed my pants).
Friday, October 16, 2009
Things that are fun to put in the toilet
All research done by Reilly, age 3
colourful wooden blocks +
cars**
own head**
bath toys**
cotton balls +
own feet**
small stuffed toys from McDonalds +
barbie dolls**
Bratz shoes +
entire roll of toilet paper **
entire box of kleenex**
entire intact roll of toilet paper***
8 intact rolls of toilet paper**
small books**
popsicle sticks**
own hands **
own arms**
brushes**
legend:
* good for flushing
** good for flushing but takes several flushes resulting in a time out for playing in the bathroom
*** not good for flushing even after several flush tests were done, resulting in a time out for putting things in the toilet. Some of these objects force the MOM to use tongs to retrieve causing strange head shaking and mumbles about why boys are obsessed with toilets
+ good for flushing but eventually plug the entire system forcing the DAD to take toilet apart and find said objects resulting in time out for flushing things down the toilet
colourful wooden blocks +
cars**
own head**
bath toys**
cotton balls +
own feet**
small stuffed toys from McDonalds +
barbie dolls**
Bratz shoes +
entire roll of toilet paper **
entire box of kleenex**
entire intact roll of toilet paper***
8 intact rolls of toilet paper**
small books**
popsicle sticks**
own hands **
own arms**
brushes**
legend:
* good for flushing
** good for flushing but takes several flushes resulting in a time out for playing in the bathroom
*** not good for flushing even after several flush tests were done, resulting in a time out for putting things in the toilet. Some of these objects force the MOM to use tongs to retrieve causing strange head shaking and mumbles about why boys are obsessed with toilets
+ good for flushing but eventually plug the entire system forcing the DAD to take toilet apart and find said objects resulting in time out for flushing things down the toilet
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I stood up for myself
Well I did. I always tell the kids to stand up for what they know is right. I never knew how hard that would be until yesterday. There was an issue with one of the kids that I look after and I did everything right. The other person went up one side of me and down the other trying to make me feel small and ashamed. The thing is, it didn't work. Most of the time I am second guessing everyhting I do - was it the right thing? Did I do everything the best way I could? Did I think about everyone involved? A lot of times I feel that I could have done something better. Well this time I was certain that everything went well. I even wanted to share what had happened with the kids' mother because said child was quite sensitive about the whole thing and that's where this whole journey started to get rough.
It's funny y'know, because I don't look like someone who gets pushed around. I'm loud, sarcastic, opinionated, and I ususally speak before I think (I know most of these facts are shocking to some). But there I was having someone trying to belittle be for something which at this point is trivial. I was being treated poorly. I was thining to myself that this is what we teach our chilren to stay away from. The girls are learning about bullies in school and when they ask me what a bully is, I tell them that it is someone who makes you feel yucky inside. It's not always hitting or pushing - sometimes people use words to make you feel like that.
I had to do something about it. I tried my best to explain everything, but there was no budging on the other side - just anger. Now I understand that a mother reacts to things that affect her child in a very different way than to things that affect even herself, but I could not allow this woman to continue treating me in a way I wouldn't allow others to be treated. So I stopeed it. I told her that she couldn't do that.
Now I am dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of the aftershock. I am sad because our children are friends. How will that affect them? My girls were sad and I am having trouble explaining the situation to them without making people look bad. I told them that they are still friends with this child and that it was something that mommy had to do so that we could all try to stay friends.
I stood up for what I know was right. I wouldn't let myself get pushed around. It was extremely hard to do. I'm not pleased with every aspect of the outcome, but I am proud of myself for doing what I did and I can become a better mother because of it.
It's funny y'know, because I don't look like someone who gets pushed around. I'm loud, sarcastic, opinionated, and I ususally speak before I think (I know most of these facts are shocking to some). But there I was having someone trying to belittle be for something which at this point is trivial. I was being treated poorly. I was thining to myself that this is what we teach our chilren to stay away from. The girls are learning about bullies in school and when they ask me what a bully is, I tell them that it is someone who makes you feel yucky inside. It's not always hitting or pushing - sometimes people use words to make you feel like that.
I had to do something about it. I tried my best to explain everything, but there was no budging on the other side - just anger. Now I understand that a mother reacts to things that affect her child in a very different way than to things that affect even herself, but I could not allow this woman to continue treating me in a way I wouldn't allow others to be treated. So I stopeed it. I told her that she couldn't do that.
Now I am dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of the aftershock. I am sad because our children are friends. How will that affect them? My girls were sad and I am having trouble explaining the situation to them without making people look bad. I told them that they are still friends with this child and that it was something that mommy had to do so that we could all try to stay friends.
I stood up for what I know was right. I wouldn't let myself get pushed around. It was extremely hard to do. I'm not pleased with every aspect of the outcome, but I am proud of myself for doing what I did and I can become a better mother because of it.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Huge Everything (Aliiiive)
by Owen, Bailey and Tricia
Once upon a time, there was an inventor who invented an octopus, a guy riding a squirrel and a dinosaur with only bones (and no skin) who ate the guy riding the squirrel. This angered the inventor (who could also talk like a monkey) because it took 100 pieces to put the guy riding the squirrel together.
In order to punish the skinless, bony dinosaur, the inventor took the great lizard to a land called Moviedinosaurland - known to locals as Easterislandhead. While there, the dinosaur was forced to watch boring documentaries about dinosaurs that fought too much. As a result, the dinosaur learned that he could go into a museum and kill everyone in sight.
The next day, the dinosaur took the monkey-talking inventor to a museum. The inventor invited his octopus to grab him so that he could use his powerful inventor type monkey powers to turn into a monkey and claw the dinosaur so that he would not kill everyone else. After he was done, he made another guy riding a squirrel, but this time the squirrel was able to whip his tail at the dinosaur before getting eaten. The end.
Once upon a time, there was an inventor who invented an octopus, a guy riding a squirrel and a dinosaur with only bones (and no skin) who ate the guy riding the squirrel. This angered the inventor (who could also talk like a monkey) because it took 100 pieces to put the guy riding the squirrel together.
In order to punish the skinless, bony dinosaur, the inventor took the great lizard to a land called Moviedinosaurland - known to locals as Easterislandhead. While there, the dinosaur was forced to watch boring documentaries about dinosaurs that fought too much. As a result, the dinosaur learned that he could go into a museum and kill everyone in sight.
The next day, the dinosaur took the monkey-talking inventor to a museum. The inventor invited his octopus to grab him so that he could use his powerful inventor type monkey powers to turn into a monkey and claw the dinosaur so that he would not kill everyone else. After he was done, he made another guy riding a squirrel, but this time the squirrel was able to whip his tail at the dinosaur before getting eaten. The end.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Wednesday
Tonight was the last night of Sparks. I'm not so sure that anything more could have gone wrong today. This morning looked pretty good - I started out early getting the brownies baked and ready to go, I even put some of my new Pampered Chef caramel sprinkles on them. While they were baking, I thought I would take some time to read the ingredients. Did you know that sprinkle-type toppings have tree nuts in them to make them crunchy? And, did you know that some people that are allergic to peanuts are also allergic to tree nuts? I can't say I was disappointed that I had just made two batches of brownies purely for my own consumption...
So out I go to run my last minute errands to get ready for our special Sparks night - getting forms for next year, couple things at the dollar store, more brownie mix - with three kids. This is the part where my mom starts going on about how in her day they just left the kids in the car with the windows down.... I get to the dollar store and get the one who I think is the most trouble put into the cart. Did you know that at the moment you open the door to the dollarama, it instantly transforms into a race track? Door opens and BAM! (in my bestest indy car commentator guy voice) there goes Bailey down the first aisle seeing nothing that she can play with or break and quickly moves on to the summer toy aisle where she OOOH knocks down a small display of water guns. What's this? Looks like Reilly has snuck up and started taking out all of the hula hoops. Mom starts to pick up the hula hoops and WHOAAAAA! Here come Bailey and Jack up the home stretch with several soccer balls!!! And now Reilly has discovered that he does not have one and has started to voice his discontent....
Half an hour later we are out the door and on the way to the grocery store. Did you know that two year old boys can imitate a crcodile's death roll to a 'T' when it comes to not wanting to get into a cart? And did you know that a 4 year old girl can ask to buy exactly 5643 things in the amount of time it takes to pick up a package of brownie mix?
Now, at home, new brownies in the oven and old (delicious yet dangerous) brownies being consumed by elated after schoolers, I am trying to fashion an oven from a box. I am using said oven for the thing tonight (We are putting the Sparks in the oven so that they come out as Brownies), so we are all helping put it together. Reilly has decided that he will be the official oven tester. I can't keep him out of it. "NO MAMA! MY UH-BIN!!" Tip: it is almost impossible to get a toddler out of a cardboard oven without wrecking it.
So I finally get to the church to get set up and we are stuck with a small room and lots of familie coming to watch their girls become brownies. And I can't get Reilly out of the oven. Again.
The Sparks party goes well and we have moved on to the snacking part when Bailey comes to ask if she can have another brownie. "I only had three mama" she says. Three. Aw crap how many have the other two had....It's going to be a loooooooong night isn't it? Wish me luck.
So out I go to run my last minute errands to get ready for our special Sparks night - getting forms for next year, couple things at the dollar store, more brownie mix - with three kids. This is the part where my mom starts going on about how in her day they just left the kids in the car with the windows down.... I get to the dollar store and get the one who I think is the most trouble put into the cart. Did you know that at the moment you open the door to the dollarama, it instantly transforms into a race track? Door opens and BAM! (in my bestest indy car commentator guy voice) there goes Bailey down the first aisle seeing nothing that she can play with or break and quickly moves on to the summer toy aisle where she OOOH knocks down a small display of water guns. What's this? Looks like Reilly has snuck up and started taking out all of the hula hoops. Mom starts to pick up the hula hoops and WHOAAAAA! Here come Bailey and Jack up the home stretch with several soccer balls!!! And now Reilly has discovered that he does not have one and has started to voice his discontent....
Half an hour later we are out the door and on the way to the grocery store. Did you know that two year old boys can imitate a crcodile's death roll to a 'T' when it comes to not wanting to get into a cart? And did you know that a 4 year old girl can ask to buy exactly 5643 things in the amount of time it takes to pick up a package of brownie mix?
Now, at home, new brownies in the oven and old (delicious yet dangerous) brownies being consumed by elated after schoolers, I am trying to fashion an oven from a box. I am using said oven for the thing tonight (We are putting the Sparks in the oven so that they come out as Brownies), so we are all helping put it together. Reilly has decided that he will be the official oven tester. I can't keep him out of it. "NO MAMA! MY UH-BIN!!" Tip: it is almost impossible to get a toddler out of a cardboard oven without wrecking it.
So I finally get to the church to get set up and we are stuck with a small room and lots of familie coming to watch their girls become brownies. And I can't get Reilly out of the oven. Again.
The Sparks party goes well and we have moved on to the snacking part when Bailey comes to ask if she can have another brownie. "I only had three mama" she says. Three. Aw crap how many have the other two had....It's going to be a loooooooong night isn't it? Wish me luck.
Monday, April 27, 2009
You did WHAT???
We decided to meet up with Andy's sister and her family and go to Crystal Palace this weekend. It was great. We played ourselves out through the day and, because we bought the package deal, we got to order room service!!! The best part was the no cranky hungry kids at a restaurant waiting for food at 8 o'clock (if you ask Andy, he'll say the same thing, but switch 'kids' with 'mom').
Sunday was such a beautiful day, we thought that we would go for a trip to Hopewell Rocks. This was one of those times that I was glad we have a DVD in the van. Even though we had just stopped for lunch, the trip to the rocks started out with questions about when snacktime was. Instead of aggravating the situation with my standard answer of '45 minutes', we throw on Veggie Tales 'The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'. They love that movie - there's a cute cover of the b52's 'Rock Lobster' at the end (it's called Rock Monster). Turns out you can watch 'Rock Monster' approximately 37 times between Dieppe and Hopewell Rocks - I'm performing it this weekend if anyone wants to catch the show.
So we arrive at our destination and get the kids (and snacks) all ready to go, and all ten of us head up the trail. We see birds and squirrels, we look out at the designated lookout spots, we leave enough yogurt raisins behind for each and every one of the local woodland creatures to try them out, and then...."PLAYGROUND!!!!!!!" It was decided by the under sevens that we were stopping to play and have sn- what's that smell? Aw man! It's Reilly. We're good right? Surely to goodness two families with three kids each (two of those kids still using diapers I might add) would be prepared for this. Well we had the pull-up, but that was it. Wipes and all other poop related items are back in the van. Normally, you would just go to the bathrooms and get some wet paper towels right? The park doesn't officially open for another couple weeks, so everything is locked up. No water or paper products in sight.
Wait a second...the snacks. There are drinks in the snack bag. Crap. It's apple juice. Oh well it's close enough. Even though Andy used as much of the used diaper as he could, he still needed something more to wipe with. Hey Reilly IS wearing socks and it's not really THAT cold out.... So there we were, cleaning our little boy's bottom with socks and apple juice.
Sunday was such a beautiful day, we thought that we would go for a trip to Hopewell Rocks. This was one of those times that I was glad we have a DVD in the van. Even though we had just stopped for lunch, the trip to the rocks started out with questions about when snacktime was. Instead of aggravating the situation with my standard answer of '45 minutes', we throw on Veggie Tales 'The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'. They love that movie - there's a cute cover of the b52's 'Rock Lobster' at the end (it's called Rock Monster). Turns out you can watch 'Rock Monster' approximately 37 times between Dieppe and Hopewell Rocks - I'm performing it this weekend if anyone wants to catch the show.
So we arrive at our destination and get the kids (and snacks) all ready to go, and all ten of us head up the trail. We see birds and squirrels, we look out at the designated lookout spots, we leave enough yogurt raisins behind for each and every one of the local woodland creatures to try them out, and then...."PLAYGROUND!!!!!!!" It was decided by the under sevens that we were stopping to play and have sn- what's that smell? Aw man! It's Reilly. We're good right? Surely to goodness two families with three kids each (two of those kids still using diapers I might add) would be prepared for this. Well we had the pull-up, but that was it. Wipes and all other poop related items are back in the van. Normally, you would just go to the bathrooms and get some wet paper towels right? The park doesn't officially open for another couple weeks, so everything is locked up. No water or paper products in sight.
Wait a second...the snacks. There are drinks in the snack bag. Crap. It's apple juice. Oh well it's close enough. Even though Andy used as much of the used diaper as he could, he still needed something more to wipe with. Hey Reilly IS wearing socks and it's not really THAT cold out.... So there we were, cleaning our little boy's bottom with socks and apple juice.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
You can do anything if you're AWESOOOOMMMEE
I went to the Starbucks drive-thru a little while ago with a request from my brother to get him 'somethin fancy'.
Starbucks Guy: Welcome to Starbucks! This is (his name). What can I get started for you today
Me: (I'm thinking that he just said the longest possible greeting in the history of drive-thrus) Hi! What do you have that's girly?
SG: (listing off several frou frou drinks) Are you looking for something hot or cold?
Me: Well I guess I'll start with a hot drink.
SG: AWESOME!! My favourite is (the one I got)
Me: Cool. I'll go with that then.
SG: AWESOME!!! Was there another drink?
Me: Um yes please. What about cold drinks? I think I would like something chocolaty
SG: AWESOME!! The (the one I got) is really good.
Me: That sounds good.
SG: AWESOME!! Was there anything else today?
Me: No. That will be it.
SG: AWESOME!!! Your total is (about $67.42). Please pull ahead.
I go up to the window and he chats with me while the drinks are getting ready and he takes the money. I give him a tip.
SG: AWESOME!! Thanks and enjoy your day!
Overall, I give THAT Starbucks experience an AWESOME.
Starbucks Guy: Welcome to Starbucks! This is (his name). What can I get started for you today
Me: (I'm thinking that he just said the longest possible greeting in the history of drive-thrus) Hi! What do you have that's girly?
SG: (listing off several frou frou drinks) Are you looking for something hot or cold?
Me: Well I guess I'll start with a hot drink.
SG: AWESOME!! My favourite is (the one I got)
Me: Cool. I'll go with that then.
SG: AWESOME!!! Was there another drink?
Me: Um yes please. What about cold drinks? I think I would like something chocolaty
SG: AWESOME!! The (the one I got) is really good.
Me: That sounds good.
SG: AWESOME!! Was there anything else today?
Me: No. That will be it.
SG: AWESOME!!! Your total is (about $67.42). Please pull ahead.
I go up to the window and he chats with me while the drinks are getting ready and he takes the money. I give him a tip.
SG: AWESOME!! Thanks and enjoy your day!
Overall, I give THAT Starbucks experience an AWESOME.
I am completely insane
True story.
I thought it would be a great bonding experience to help out with Sophie's Sparks group this year. So, when I signed her up and heard that they were looking for people to help out on Wednesday nights, I jumped at the chance. Skip ahead a week and I have a list of 20 girls who are in my group. MY group. Maybe if I take longer to say it, it'll sink in. MYYYYYYY GROUP. Nope. I have been given the reins of a group of 20 5- and 6-year-old girls. ME. Man, I can't even decide what to get to drink at Starbucks (honest - I usually let the guy behind the counter decide. Which reminds me of another story - remind me to tell you about the "AWEsommmme" guy at Starbucks). Now I have to decide what to do to help these little women earn badges on a weekly basis!!! The last time I felt like this, I was walking out of the hospital with a baby. I wanted to go back and yell at the nurses - 'don't you know who I AM? I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up!' Now I have that feeling again - except this time, I'm responsible for 20.
Now, I am embarking on the biggest challenge of my Sparks career: The Sleepover. The last time one of my friends had a sleepover party for her daughter, I said she was dumb. I did my best to help her out and still said she was dumb. Last year, when Sophie's group did their sleepover, I dropped her off and came home. I am terrified of the sleepover. Mainly because I was the one pulling the crazy stunts at sleepovers when I was a kid ('member the time Carrie?). Now I have to suppress all of the underwear-freezing-fingers-in-the-water-face-doodling instincts that are still very much alive and well in me. And did I mention that they were 5 and 6?
Dear God. I need strength. And Patience. And 20 calm girls who ask to go to bed promptly at 8 o'clock and don't wake up until at least 7 the next morning.
I'll let ya know if His answer was 'yes'.
I thought it would be a great bonding experience to help out with Sophie's Sparks group this year. So, when I signed her up and heard that they were looking for people to help out on Wednesday nights, I jumped at the chance. Skip ahead a week and I have a list of 20 girls who are in my group. MY group. Maybe if I take longer to say it, it'll sink in. MYYYYYYY GROUP. Nope. I have been given the reins of a group of 20 5- and 6-year-old girls. ME. Man, I can't even decide what to get to drink at Starbucks (honest - I usually let the guy behind the counter decide. Which reminds me of another story - remind me to tell you about the "AWEsommmme" guy at Starbucks). Now I have to decide what to do to help these little women earn badges on a weekly basis!!! The last time I felt like this, I was walking out of the hospital with a baby. I wanted to go back and yell at the nurses - 'don't you know who I AM? I don't even know what I want to be when I grow up!' Now I have that feeling again - except this time, I'm responsible for 20.
Now, I am embarking on the biggest challenge of my Sparks career: The Sleepover. The last time one of my friends had a sleepover party for her daughter, I said she was dumb. I did my best to help her out and still said she was dumb. Last year, when Sophie's group did their sleepover, I dropped her off and came home. I am terrified of the sleepover. Mainly because I was the one pulling the crazy stunts at sleepovers when I was a kid ('member the time Carrie?). Now I have to suppress all of the underwear-freezing-fingers-in-the-water-face-doodling instincts that are still very much alive and well in me. And did I mention that they were 5 and 6?
Dear God. I need strength. And Patience. And 20 calm girls who ask to go to bed promptly at 8 o'clock and don't wake up until at least 7 the next morning.
I'll let ya know if His answer was 'yes'.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Scientific proof
My girls love to play together. As long as they are doing things that are acceptable in the others' view of what is right in the world. Needless to say, it isn't very long before an injustice is done and Supermom (that's me) is called to the scene of the crime. The evildoer is found out pretty easily when asked the question 'what's going on?' because Sophie has a look on her face that will clearly indicate the ridiculosity (it's a technical term - you wouldn't understand) of the situation. Let's call it the Ridiculometre. So Supermom swoops in and asks The Question and immediately looks at her Ridiculometre and assesses that it was most likely an inappropriate touching of the "special" Barbie, Bratz doll or, God forbid, Tigger (ah Tigger - the sleeping buddy since Sophie was a baby whom no one can come into contact with unless a specific permission asking tone is maintained for the entire length of the permission granting session.) But there was this one day....
Now my girls are very smart - they like to hide this fact from us at times - but they are smart. They have performed several experiments with regards to what will mom and dad lose their minds over. One day, they were playing in their dollhouse quite nicely when 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY' and crying echoes throughout the house. Superdad takes it this time. The question is asked, but the Ridiculometre is the injured party, so there is only one logical conclusion - Bailey did it and it is at least slightly painful (Sophie likes to embellish. I have NO idea where she gets it from). So Superdad goes straight to work at calming Sophie so that he can understand her. Finally, she looks up at Daddy, points a weakened finger at her chest and exclaims 'She hit me Daddy! She hit me right in the kill spot!!' He had to leave the room.
Now my girls are very smart - they like to hide this fact from us at times - but they are smart. They have performed several experiments with regards to what will mom and dad lose their minds over. One day, they were playing in their dollhouse quite nicely when 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY' and crying echoes throughout the house. Superdad takes it this time. The question is asked, but the Ridiculometre is the injured party, so there is only one logical conclusion - Bailey did it and it is at least slightly painful (Sophie likes to embellish. I have NO idea where she gets it from). So Superdad goes straight to work at calming Sophie so that he can understand her. Finally, she looks up at Daddy, points a weakened finger at her chest and exclaims 'She hit me Daddy! She hit me right in the kill spot!!' He had to leave the room.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Two Year Old Boy
Man! When they tell you that little boys are different beasts all together, I never thought they actually meant BEAST!!
Those that know me, know that my son has a weak spot for a good game of "Dunk the Head in the Toilet". I have had to banish him from the play room because of repeated bathroom break ins. So there were only, in reality, two - but the last one ended up with 2 rolls of butt wipe IN the toilet, 5 soaked rolls BESIDE the toilet, and a soaking wet Reilly holding a toilet brush while tasting an eighth roll in front of the can. My guess is that he was trying to figure out exactly how much water was needed to make it possible to drink from a double-roll. Well now I see that his refusal to sit on the toilet means not that he doesn't want to potty train, he just has better plans for the TP.
The very next day I learned that tasting toilet tissue does not point to (as I had incorrectly assumed) an extra special dose of the terrible twos - it indicates a taste for the finer dishes of the world - like glass. Oh yes, he can't just leave mom all freaked out about leaving her son to play in the toilet, he has to make time-outs completely unsafe by chewing on some nearby mini lights. And then he has to top it all of with a dance and a big ole 'I loves yew Mooommyy' Am I a terrible person for thinking that he looks EXACTLY like his father when he does things like that?
Now today, he is Mr. Helpful. He even made sure to have on the proper 'helpful' attire - his new rubber boots. 'Ah got mah noo boots on an ah gonna help Mama'. Other helpers - beware - the Rylinator will under no circumstance allow anyone else to get in Mom's good graces. 'Yoo go! Ah'm helpin Mama!' (shove) 'NO! MY MAMA! AH'M Helpin Mama!' (knock on the head) 'NOOOOO I do it!' (slam door on Mama's hand). If this past year has been a test, this was definitely the bonus question. How many different kid-friendly adjectives can one woman come up with?
Those that know me, know that my son has a weak spot for a good game of "Dunk the Head in the Toilet". I have had to banish him from the play room because of repeated bathroom break ins. So there were only, in reality, two - but the last one ended up with 2 rolls of butt wipe IN the toilet, 5 soaked rolls BESIDE the toilet, and a soaking wet Reilly holding a toilet brush while tasting an eighth roll in front of the can. My guess is that he was trying to figure out exactly how much water was needed to make it possible to drink from a double-roll. Well now I see that his refusal to sit on the toilet means not that he doesn't want to potty train, he just has better plans for the TP.
The very next day I learned that tasting toilet tissue does not point to (as I had incorrectly assumed) an extra special dose of the terrible twos - it indicates a taste for the finer dishes of the world - like glass. Oh yes, he can't just leave mom all freaked out about leaving her son to play in the toilet, he has to make time-outs completely unsafe by chewing on some nearby mini lights. And then he has to top it all of with a dance and a big ole 'I loves yew Mooommyy' Am I a terrible person for thinking that he looks EXACTLY like his father when he does things like that?
Now today, he is Mr. Helpful. He even made sure to have on the proper 'helpful' attire - his new rubber boots. 'Ah got mah noo boots on an ah gonna help Mama'. Other helpers - beware - the Rylinator will under no circumstance allow anyone else to get in Mom's good graces. 'Yoo go! Ah'm helpin Mama!' (shove) 'NO! MY MAMA! AH'M Helpin Mama!' (knock on the head) 'NOOOOO I do it!' (slam door on Mama's hand). If this past year has been a test, this was definitely the bonus question. How many different kid-friendly adjectives can one woman come up with?
Monday, March 2, 2009
"reality" shows
The other night, I was watching television. Not very shocking, I know, but there I was peering into the lives of teenage conjoined twins on TLC. Now, I will admit - I am a sucker for these types of shows. Anything that sheds a little light on things I don't fully understand, I'll get into. For instance the 'Tree Man'. This was a man that literally looked like a tree. He had contracted a simple virus (HPV - it causes warts that you and I would simply burn off and call it a day), but his system was not strong enough to fight the warts that grew, and they took over his body - his arms and legs looking like tree roots extending from his body. I was completely taken by how this virus was able to overtake this man's body and what medical science could do to help him.
Well, while I was watching these teenage girls go about their day (I believe that they were going for their drivers' licence) I got an awful feeling in my heart. Are these shows really any different from the old-fashioned freak shows that one would see with a travelling circus? Sure, it's packaged a little better these days under the mask of 'science' and 'learning', but how is this different?
There are dozens of shows like this on TLC and Discovery Channel: ones about people with different types of dwarfism making their way in the world of 'big' people, ginormous families that are either two parents with 8 or more children, or two parents that can't seem to stop having babies - even after their elder children are starting families of their own and a cornucopia of 'shocking' stories about someones mystery disease or condition that somehow makes them different from the rest of the world.
Basically, to me, it boils down to a simple plot: look at me, I'm different. I am not 'normal'. Look at these guys! They're a lot smaller than you. This guys is completely covered in hair! This woman has a tumor that covers her whole face! I stopped having kids before my mother did! And we fall victim to the pretty package of 'realty show' every time!!
After a bit of soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that these programs ARE different. In a way, by giving an entire continent (or more) of people the opportunity to stare and have a glimpse into the lives of all different sorts of people, out of the ordinary conditions that could cause some to point a finger and ridicule become a little more common. Midgets become little PEOPLE, freaks become PEOPLE with shocking stories, and head cases become PEOPLE with mysterious (and now kinda cool) diagnoses. Thank you reality television for making these people cool to the freaks that once made fun of them.
Well, while I was watching these teenage girls go about their day (I believe that they were going for their drivers' licence) I got an awful feeling in my heart. Are these shows really any different from the old-fashioned freak shows that one would see with a travelling circus? Sure, it's packaged a little better these days under the mask of 'science' and 'learning', but how is this different?
There are dozens of shows like this on TLC and Discovery Channel: ones about people with different types of dwarfism making their way in the world of 'big' people, ginormous families that are either two parents with 8 or more children, or two parents that can't seem to stop having babies - even after their elder children are starting families of their own and a cornucopia of 'shocking' stories about someones mystery disease or condition that somehow makes them different from the rest of the world.
Basically, to me, it boils down to a simple plot: look at me, I'm different. I am not 'normal'. Look at these guys! They're a lot smaller than you. This guys is completely covered in hair! This woman has a tumor that covers her whole face! I stopped having kids before my mother did! And we fall victim to the pretty package of 'realty show' every time!!
After a bit of soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that these programs ARE different. In a way, by giving an entire continent (or more) of people the opportunity to stare and have a glimpse into the lives of all different sorts of people, out of the ordinary conditions that could cause some to point a finger and ridicule become a little more common. Midgets become little PEOPLE, freaks become PEOPLE with shocking stories, and head cases become PEOPLE with mysterious (and now kinda cool) diagnoses. Thank you reality television for making these people cool to the freaks that once made fun of them.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
My little lady
So I'm sitting here on a quiet snow day watching Bailey make herself 'pretty'. She has her little makeup kit out on her princess vanity and has promised me that she won't put too much lipstick on. After each new layer, she checks in with me to see if she's pretty. I reply with 'you were pretty before the makeup Bailey, but you sure do look fancy!' Her response? a sneaky little grin and a fresh new layer of glitter somewhere.
Now she's on to the nailpolish. I have decided to let her do it herself today and, surprisingly, she's quite good at it. I have just noticed that she has her entire bottom half of clothing on inside out and backwards - must be trying for two snow days in a row.
Throughout this whole Bailey Beautification process, she says 'uh-oh better jump around again' and off she goes to do the latest dance moves, while jumping up and down the hallway.
It is time for another check in the mirror...Yep the makeup is still on. Thicker and brighter than anyone I have ever seen (or will see for that matter). But that's Bailey, my girly girl, queen of all the princesses.
And now it's time for Bailey to make me pretty - Look out world, Princess Mommy is about to arrive.
Now she's on to the nailpolish. I have decided to let her do it herself today and, surprisingly, she's quite good at it. I have just noticed that she has her entire bottom half of clothing on inside out and backwards - must be trying for two snow days in a row.
Throughout this whole Bailey Beautification process, she says 'uh-oh better jump around again' and off she goes to do the latest dance moves, while jumping up and down the hallway.
It is time for another check in the mirror...Yep the makeup is still on. Thicker and brighter than anyone I have ever seen (or will see for that matter). But that's Bailey, my girly girl, queen of all the princesses.
And now it's time for Bailey to make me pretty - Look out world, Princess Mommy is about to arrive.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
things I hate to hear
THUD! CRASH! sorry
This means that Bailey has just launched herself off the top bunk (again) and has broken something (again)
THUNK! CRASH! (screams) 'Sorry! I said Sorry! Maaaaaaaammmmmm!'
This means that Bailey has just launched herself off of somewhere high (most likely the top bunk) and has landed on or somewhere near Sophie.
Running water
This usually means that someone is 'helping' me clean the house
screams
Someone, somewhere has witnessed an injustice performed by the other two
bigger screams
the initial screamer has just tried to correct said injustice
Maaaaaaaaaaaammmmm
the 'evildoer' is not happy with the sibling's punishment for aforementioned injustice
mooommm you need to see this
one of the kids has just gotten ragged out (again) for being a tattle tale and has found a crime scene
mommy! Mah heers wet
Reilly has just tried to show Bailey who's boss by dunking his head in the toilet
This means that Bailey has just launched herself off the top bunk (again) and has broken something (again)
THUNK! CRASH! (screams) 'Sorry! I said Sorry! Maaaaaaaammmmmm!'
This means that Bailey has just launched herself off of somewhere high (most likely the top bunk) and has landed on or somewhere near Sophie.
Running water
This usually means that someone is 'helping' me clean the house
screams
Someone, somewhere has witnessed an injustice performed by the other two
bigger screams
the initial screamer has just tried to correct said injustice
Maaaaaaaaaaaammmmm
the 'evildoer' is not happy with the sibling's punishment for aforementioned injustice
mooommm you need to see this
one of the kids has just gotten ragged out (again) for being a tattle tale and has found a crime scene
mommy! Mah heers wet
Reilly has just tried to show Bailey who's boss by dunking his head in the toilet
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