My girls love to play together. As long as they are doing things that are acceptable in the others' view of what is right in the world. Needless to say, it isn't very long before an injustice is done and Supermom (that's me) is called to the scene of the crime. The evildoer is found out pretty easily when asked the question 'what's going on?' because Sophie has a look on her face that will clearly indicate the ridiculosity (it's a technical term - you wouldn't understand) of the situation. Let's call it the Ridiculometre. So Supermom swoops in and asks The Question and immediately looks at her Ridiculometre and assesses that it was most likely an inappropriate touching of the "special" Barbie, Bratz doll or, God forbid, Tigger (ah Tigger - the sleeping buddy since Sophie was a baby whom no one can come into contact with unless a specific permission asking tone is maintained for the entire length of the permission granting session.) But there was this one day....
Now my girls are very smart - they like to hide this fact from us at times - but they are smart. They have performed several experiments with regards to what will mom and dad lose their minds over. One day, they were playing in their dollhouse quite nicely when 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY' and crying echoes throughout the house. Superdad takes it this time. The question is asked, but the Ridiculometre is the injured party, so there is only one logical conclusion - Bailey did it and it is at least slightly painful (Sophie likes to embellish. I have NO idea where she gets it from). So Superdad goes straight to work at calming Sophie so that he can understand her. Finally, she looks up at Daddy, points a weakened finger at her chest and exclaims 'She hit me Daddy! She hit me right in the kill spot!!' He had to leave the room.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Two Year Old Boy
Man! When they tell you that little boys are different beasts all together, I never thought they actually meant BEAST!!
Those that know me, know that my son has a weak spot for a good game of "Dunk the Head in the Toilet". I have had to banish him from the play room because of repeated bathroom break ins. So there were only, in reality, two - but the last one ended up with 2 rolls of butt wipe IN the toilet, 5 soaked rolls BESIDE the toilet, and a soaking wet Reilly holding a toilet brush while tasting an eighth roll in front of the can. My guess is that he was trying to figure out exactly how much water was needed to make it possible to drink from a double-roll. Well now I see that his refusal to sit on the toilet means not that he doesn't want to potty train, he just has better plans for the TP.
The very next day I learned that tasting toilet tissue does not point to (as I had incorrectly assumed) an extra special dose of the terrible twos - it indicates a taste for the finer dishes of the world - like glass. Oh yes, he can't just leave mom all freaked out about leaving her son to play in the toilet, he has to make time-outs completely unsafe by chewing on some nearby mini lights. And then he has to top it all of with a dance and a big ole 'I loves yew Mooommyy' Am I a terrible person for thinking that he looks EXACTLY like his father when he does things like that?
Now today, he is Mr. Helpful. He even made sure to have on the proper 'helpful' attire - his new rubber boots. 'Ah got mah noo boots on an ah gonna help Mama'. Other helpers - beware - the Rylinator will under no circumstance allow anyone else to get in Mom's good graces. 'Yoo go! Ah'm helpin Mama!' (shove) 'NO! MY MAMA! AH'M Helpin Mama!' (knock on the head) 'NOOOOO I do it!' (slam door on Mama's hand). If this past year has been a test, this was definitely the bonus question. How many different kid-friendly adjectives can one woman come up with?
Those that know me, know that my son has a weak spot for a good game of "Dunk the Head in the Toilet". I have had to banish him from the play room because of repeated bathroom break ins. So there were only, in reality, two - but the last one ended up with 2 rolls of butt wipe IN the toilet, 5 soaked rolls BESIDE the toilet, and a soaking wet Reilly holding a toilet brush while tasting an eighth roll in front of the can. My guess is that he was trying to figure out exactly how much water was needed to make it possible to drink from a double-roll. Well now I see that his refusal to sit on the toilet means not that he doesn't want to potty train, he just has better plans for the TP.
The very next day I learned that tasting toilet tissue does not point to (as I had incorrectly assumed) an extra special dose of the terrible twos - it indicates a taste for the finer dishes of the world - like glass. Oh yes, he can't just leave mom all freaked out about leaving her son to play in the toilet, he has to make time-outs completely unsafe by chewing on some nearby mini lights. And then he has to top it all of with a dance and a big ole 'I loves yew Mooommyy' Am I a terrible person for thinking that he looks EXACTLY like his father when he does things like that?
Now today, he is Mr. Helpful. He even made sure to have on the proper 'helpful' attire - his new rubber boots. 'Ah got mah noo boots on an ah gonna help Mama'. Other helpers - beware - the Rylinator will under no circumstance allow anyone else to get in Mom's good graces. 'Yoo go! Ah'm helpin Mama!' (shove) 'NO! MY MAMA! AH'M Helpin Mama!' (knock on the head) 'NOOOOO I do it!' (slam door on Mama's hand). If this past year has been a test, this was definitely the bonus question. How many different kid-friendly adjectives can one woman come up with?
Monday, March 2, 2009
"reality" shows
The other night, I was watching television. Not very shocking, I know, but there I was peering into the lives of teenage conjoined twins on TLC. Now, I will admit - I am a sucker for these types of shows. Anything that sheds a little light on things I don't fully understand, I'll get into. For instance the 'Tree Man'. This was a man that literally looked like a tree. He had contracted a simple virus (HPV - it causes warts that you and I would simply burn off and call it a day), but his system was not strong enough to fight the warts that grew, and they took over his body - his arms and legs looking like tree roots extending from his body. I was completely taken by how this virus was able to overtake this man's body and what medical science could do to help him.
Well, while I was watching these teenage girls go about their day (I believe that they were going for their drivers' licence) I got an awful feeling in my heart. Are these shows really any different from the old-fashioned freak shows that one would see with a travelling circus? Sure, it's packaged a little better these days under the mask of 'science' and 'learning', but how is this different?
There are dozens of shows like this on TLC and Discovery Channel: ones about people with different types of dwarfism making their way in the world of 'big' people, ginormous families that are either two parents with 8 or more children, or two parents that can't seem to stop having babies - even after their elder children are starting families of their own and a cornucopia of 'shocking' stories about someones mystery disease or condition that somehow makes them different from the rest of the world.
Basically, to me, it boils down to a simple plot: look at me, I'm different. I am not 'normal'. Look at these guys! They're a lot smaller than you. This guys is completely covered in hair! This woman has a tumor that covers her whole face! I stopped having kids before my mother did! And we fall victim to the pretty package of 'realty show' every time!!
After a bit of soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that these programs ARE different. In a way, by giving an entire continent (or more) of people the opportunity to stare and have a glimpse into the lives of all different sorts of people, out of the ordinary conditions that could cause some to point a finger and ridicule become a little more common. Midgets become little PEOPLE, freaks become PEOPLE with shocking stories, and head cases become PEOPLE with mysterious (and now kinda cool) diagnoses. Thank you reality television for making these people cool to the freaks that once made fun of them.
Well, while I was watching these teenage girls go about their day (I believe that they were going for their drivers' licence) I got an awful feeling in my heart. Are these shows really any different from the old-fashioned freak shows that one would see with a travelling circus? Sure, it's packaged a little better these days under the mask of 'science' and 'learning', but how is this different?
There are dozens of shows like this on TLC and Discovery Channel: ones about people with different types of dwarfism making their way in the world of 'big' people, ginormous families that are either two parents with 8 or more children, or two parents that can't seem to stop having babies - even after their elder children are starting families of their own and a cornucopia of 'shocking' stories about someones mystery disease or condition that somehow makes them different from the rest of the world.
Basically, to me, it boils down to a simple plot: look at me, I'm different. I am not 'normal'. Look at these guys! They're a lot smaller than you. This guys is completely covered in hair! This woman has a tumor that covers her whole face! I stopped having kids before my mother did! And we fall victim to the pretty package of 'realty show' every time!!
After a bit of soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that these programs ARE different. In a way, by giving an entire continent (or more) of people the opportunity to stare and have a glimpse into the lives of all different sorts of people, out of the ordinary conditions that could cause some to point a finger and ridicule become a little more common. Midgets become little PEOPLE, freaks become PEOPLE with shocking stories, and head cases become PEOPLE with mysterious (and now kinda cool) diagnoses. Thank you reality television for making these people cool to the freaks that once made fun of them.
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