He's got it all figured out

My boy is smart. Really smart. So smart he knows to lay in wait until his sisters are nice and happy with what they are doing and then begin the teasing spree.

So, as I said, my boy is pretty good at figuring things out. During one of our snuggle times, he was looking at some pictures that I keep on my bedroom mirror. He was quite interested in the one I have of my nine-months-pregnant-with-Reilly belly shot. He stares at at it for a bit and then he says to me 'mommy, that's a picture of me when I was growing in your belly!' I smile and tell him that he's right and he goes on to say 'yeah and growed really really big and then I was a baby and then you got me out of your belly mom cuz I was big mom and you got me out of your belly mom and you got me out of your belly with a shovel'

See? I told you I have smart kids.

for andrea

Once upon a time there was a girl. She was a funny, smart, popular, sensitive, in tune with the world, beautiful and everyone liked her. She lived with her family in a town just like this one. Her parents realized the importance of the bond between a mother and her children, and that was why it was decided that her mother would focus on strengthening that bond with each of her 5 children. This took up most of her day as the girls and her brothers and sisters were always bringing their talents and abilities to their mother's attention. That was when it was decided that the girl's father would be in charge of taking care of the household chores while the mother focused solely on developing fine qualities in her children.

In about two weeks time, there was no food in the fridge, no clean dishes, all their clothes sat in front of the washer and people stopped visiting because the bathroom was so scary. The end.

got bored

In the midst of the newest killer flu, I was talking to a friend who heard from a friend that there was this horrible H5N1 flu going around. So I googled it. I also had a some fun with the H#N# thing. Here's what I found:
H1N1 - swine flu in human form
H2N1 - avian flu
H3N1 - a special swine flu just for pigs
H4N1 - bird flu found in ducks
H5N1 - bird flu that was the new killer flu a few years ago
H6N1 - poultry killer
H7N1 - turkey killer
H8N1 - duck killer
H9N1 - duck killer

I actually started in on the N2 versions of all of this and got bored of reading about bird flus.

Mother of the Year entry #2

I look after kids. I like to send said kids outside to play when the weather is nice (or at least not a blizzard or hurricane). I do not always monitor their every move (they're good kids and don't get into too much trouble so I let them have a good time). Today was no different than any other - the kids were climbing the tree, using skipping ropes as a pulley system to bring things up into their "hotel". It's kinda cute really - everyone has a room and the hotel is big enough to hold about 9 kids comfortably. And then I sat down to change a diaper.....

The kids are decoraring the 'hotel' with leaves and other things and then this sound that sends panic up even the hardest mother's spine. Sophie comes running into the house screaming and speaking in some foreign language that only she can understand. I get her calmed down enough for her to start speaking english again and see the rope burn around her neck. In the time it took me to change a wet diaper, the kids had tied both ends of a long skipping rope to a branch in the tree in order to make some crude version of a swing. Sophie, in her excitement, was running around the yard and got caught (in the meck) by the booby trap in the front yard. Now she has a nice red ring around her neck to match the bloody ear she took to school just one day before.

Well I always wanted to win an award. I guess this year I'm really giving it my all. Just wait until you hear about my bloody Halloween....

Mother of The Year entry #1

Let's face it. I have enough kids around me that I can't tell my own thought apart from Backyardigans tunes or lines from iCarly. But I try my best - well most of the time anyways.

Sophie comes to me one night saying that her ear is bothering her. No big deal I say. It's probably a wax build up again I say. We'll fix it up really quickly I say. So we go and get ready to check her ear out and I see some wax hanging out around her outer ear in a way that says 'you can get me with a quick swipe of a qtip'. Of course I follow all of the books and use nothing smaller than my elbow to get that bit of wax out. Yeah. I got the qtips. I swipe the ear gently. I see wax on the end. I see blood in the ear.

Well crap I say. Crap mommy? What? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY EEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR? Calm down Sophie it's no big deal (dialing telecare). Mommy just needs to ask the nurse a question. WHAT'S HAPPENING TO MYYYYY EEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!! (gasp) IS THERE BLOOD? MOOOOOOOMMMMMYYYYYYY IS THERE BLOOOOOOOOODDDDD?? Please Sophie I can't hear the nurse I say and start to rock her while I'm waiting for the nurse and yelling at myself for poking a hole in Sophie's ear...

Ok I'll back up a bit. When I swiped the ear, a few drops of blood came out behind the wax. Yes I know it is probably a scratch at this point, but after checking in her ear with my top-notch medical equipment (a mini mag-lite), I could not see any signs of a scratch, so I call the lovely people at telecare who usually tell you to go to the doctor within 24 hours. You have a scrape? Go see the doctor within 24 hours. You have your intestines hanging out of your bellybutton? You should probably get that checked within 24 hours.

Oh yeah. Back to the kind nurses at telecare. I go through the questions - yes she's breathing fine, no she's not going to pass out. I explain what had happened and am waiting for the 24 hour thingy, and the nurse says that I had better take her into emerg and get it checked out. Great. Andy is working. I am now facing the threat of three kids (at bedtime no less) in the emergency department waiting to see a doctor.

In swoops Auntie Sue. She comes to the rescue and sits with the other two while I drag Sophie - who is finally calm by the way - to emerg at 8pm on a school night. So me and Sophie grab a few books and a few snack and head off to wait for the doctor in the middle of the wave of H1N1 that is bringing our city to crushing halt - I think we're going to be a while.

We get to emerg. We see the triage nurse who greets us with a 'there's quite a wait'. She asks the questions. I give the answers. She's about to swish us off to the waiting area and I take a chance with the old "I know you're not a doctor, but you see an awful lot. Is this something that can wait until morning or at least the after hours clinic?" She bites!! Nice Triage Nurse pulls out the ear looking into thingy (a technical term really - you wouldn't understand) and has a peak at the ear in question. There is a fair amount of blood in the canal she says. Maybe you should stay and have it looked at she says. I say thank you and we go get the red bracelet that now makes you cool cuz you were at the hospital. Red is even cooler than the plain old yellow one because red means you have allergies.

So four and a half hours, one almost asleep girl until she heard someone open a snack and then was all 'IIIIIIIIIyuuuuummmmm huuuunnnngryyyyyy, two large story books and several trips to the hand sanitizer (after 2 hours that was the fun thing to do) later, we see the med student. He takes a look with the ear thingy and says she has a scratch in her ear. A SCRATCH. But the doctor should really have a look and make the final decision. In walks said doctor. Doctor guy looks in and says Yep. Definitely a scratch. Again A SCRATCH.

I dragged my daughter to the hospital and endured a four and a half hour wait with a tired seven year old for A SCRATCH. Let's hope that the next time she scratches he knee and I say my standard 'suck it up princess' she forgets to remind me about the time she was rushed into the hospital for A SCRATCH.

Bedtime

Tonight we did our (mostly) usual routine of getting our jammies on, cranking up the tunes and dancing our legs off until it's time to go to bed. We all started off great with some Black Eyed Peas and some super awesome (that's code for absolutely ridiculous) dancing. Cue some Kung Fu Fighting and we become super awesome dancing ninjas. Of course, Andy and I are the most bodacious dancers there ever were - you can tell by all of our badass moves that we are performing right in front of our GIANT WINDOW (this is NOT in any way an invitation to come over and watch us embarrass ourselves).

Now we have Sophie showing us her dance moves (she's taking a hip hop class this year) and she chose to have us do jumping jacks for two minutes. No big deal right? That's what I thought too - until I started doing them. I got maybe thirty seconds into it when one stray bounce made me come to an abrupt stop. Cue athletic jokes by Andy. But sadly this wasn't one of those times when my lack of in-shapedness has gotten the better of me. I have had three kids and have also lost the ability to hold anything in my bladder. Yes folks, a good sneeze can make me do the same thing.

We all finish our bedtime recital and calm down with a couple of good books. Each of the girls take on a bedtime story now and when it's Sophie's turn, she does the most amazing thing: she gives the other two parts to read, and helps them through it. She gets them both involved in the story!! This is something that neither Andy or I can do on a good day (Sophie's usually the only one who listens to the story while the Flying Wallenda's perform their latest tricks). That moment right there was one of those things that make it all worth it.

What a perfect day (well, except for that part where I almost peed my pants).

Things that are fun to put in the toilet

All research done by Reilly, age 3

colourful wooden blocks +
cars**
own head**
bath toys**
cotton balls +
own feet**
small stuffed toys from McDonalds +
barbie dolls**
Bratz shoes +
entire roll of toilet paper **
entire box of kleenex**
entire intact roll of toilet paper***
8 intact rolls of toilet paper**
small books**
popsicle sticks**
own hands **
own arms**
brushes**

legend:
* good for flushing
** good for flushing but takes several flushes resulting in a time out for playing in the bathroom
*** not good for flushing even after several flush tests were done, resulting in a time out for putting things in the toilet. Some of these objects force the MOM to use tongs to retrieve causing strange head shaking and mumbles about why boys are obsessed with toilets
+ good for flushing but eventually plug the entire system forcing the DAD to take toilet apart and find said objects resulting in time out for flushing things down the toilet